feelin good feelin great

In my current transition to become a better and effective human i am going to tackle a goal each week, so since its Tuesday, a new one every Tuesday!

THIS WEEKS GOAL TOPIC: HUMANS

As the first weeks goal and possibly the very hardest, humans are a very hard area to create change within. Everyone has issues with why they are the way they are with other humans.

It is really hard to be a mature and in control person. Before you know it word vomit is spewing out and you have transformed into a person who does not spread love. Maybe people have hurt you in the past, or maybe you have issues with your parents, or you were brought up a certain way. Either way, this week I (and maybe anyone else who does not read this blog) ((lol)) (((but really))) am going to practice finding peace within me to really be able to shine to even people who may ALWAYS press my buttons. I cannot get along with everyone, but I can show everyone love.

THE KEY HERE IS: this includes the icky thoughts in your brain as well. If you show love but are only FEELING hate then it doesnt count. So diiiigggg deeeeeepppp.

Think of the person who you struggle the hardest with when it comes to being friendly: ask yourself the following:
Why do you feel this way about this person
Is it personal?
Is it just a mismatched character issue?
Does whatever they did to you matter today?
If it does matter, will it still matter in a year?

I know the person that I find hard to do this with, and to be honest, when I think about it, I still can't get over the feelings I for them. HOWEVER I do realize that it is petty and reaaalllyyy doesn't affect me today. I'm not sure if an apology would help, but I do not like feeling ugly feelings towards someone. It makes me feel ugly.

I am going to reach out to them this week.

Show love and you will give love. It is a simple idea with a hard journey.

Anyway...heres a funny joke:
Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.


ps. the picture of bob dylan may seem like it has nothing to do with this blog....but he is a human...and a beautiful one at that.

feelin groovy

The last week has been an interesting one by far. At this exact moment I feel full with love and peace. I have come to an interesting realization that I know will help me live a happier and healthier life.

I have recently starting exercising daily. Only for about a week now, and I started because I weigh more than I have in my entire life. So the mission began with getting small and losing the weight. But I am starting to understand the important of exercise in a completely different way now. It has given me a better understanding as a whole about me, my surroundings, and its really one of the only time during the day that i give COMPLETELY to myself.

Wether I am swimming, practicing yoga, or running it has all become much more to me.

Today when I was running is when I realized this. Every time I run I try to change something to make it more challenging, either go for a long distance or at a higher speed. I started running thinking the same thing. Me in a swimsuit, its all I could think about. Most the time I have been working out it its always me putting myself down, all I can think about is how unhealthy I have let myself get and then I just feel ashamed.

But today, it started and I pictured myself in that swimsuit (my consciousness of weight is the only annoying girly trait that I have....I have always found this odd) So I kept running, and then I started to only focus on my breathing. In two steps, out two steps. It was hard, I have never been a runner because it always seems I can't get into my groove and all I felt after was sore. So I am running and running and picturing myself, and then I started picturing myself on a beach. It wasn't about the swimsuit. I could feel the sun, the sand, the breeze, the peace that comes with being at the ocean. That is where I found myself, running was on a beach. It was a moment of inner peace that I have only experienced while practicing meditation, and even then my brain won't let myself completely just be. Then when I came back to my breathing I found myself running with ease! My breathing had completely evened out. After that point it was only me pushing myself in a positive way. I ran farther and harder than I have ever done!

Working out has always been a chore for me, but I can't wait until tomorrow to do it again! Yes, I am sore, but the soreness reminds me of my accomplishment of the day, and it is almost like a trophy.

Get healthy! Not only is in going to benefit you in the obvious ways, but it is going to let yourself have a breakthrough that gives you a boost in confidence, and with confidence it becomes even easier to spread the love that you want to see in the world what a fantastic thing!


What are you doing to make yourself feel loved by YOU????


**I realize the picture of my cat has nothing to do with this blog but she makes my heart smile, so maybe she will make yours too! Who doesnt love pictures of gorgeous kittens!?

why wait?

I sit around my house most of my days, and to be honest I don't accomplish really anything at all during the day. This is starting to really take a tole on me I think. I don't know if it is the older I get (which is not old at all) or what the deal is but I cannot help but to only feel worthless lately.

So when I feel this way I try to pick up my guitar, but that only leads me to a few clumsy chords and then I feel not good enough..Sometimes I start some of those friendship bracelets that everyone made in grade school. That keeps my attention for probably a half hour, but at this point all I am left with is a lot of not even half way done bracelets.

What happened to the explorer in me? What happened to my imagination? And why am I so okay with doing nothing all day long.

When I was in high school ( all those years ago ) I did not picture myself as a person who would sit around all day. So I am trying to think about what I HAVE done or learned since I have graduated high school. Here are a few

1. I am not a leader nor am I a follower
2. I do not like to work in groups
3. People really do make me so uncomfortable
4. I love everything
5. I have a giant heart (and yes there is room for you)
6. My favorite feeling is the weight of my toasty cat laying on me and her purring from deep in her diaphragm
7. I am a little lazy
8. I need to see an ending to projects I start, and a meaning behind them
9. I am not happy with where I am
10. I wish i had more courage to go after what I want

There is 10...if there is anymore then its going to just be describing me. So after that list, I will now make a list of things that I want out of my life before I am 25.

1. Help on a massive scale
2. Find what tugs at my heart
3. Find a companion that I connect with spiritually as well as physically and mentally
4. Travel. Travel. Travel.
5. Quite smoking
6. Transform my diet into strictly raw foods
7. Go somewhere where no one speaks my language
8. Write a song that means something
9. Create something that gives joy to a lot of people
10. Make an effort everyday to be the love and the change that I would like to see in the world.

There ya go. I have 6 years untill I am 25 years old. So I need to get going...I am going to start on a small scale, and go to my local craft store, and I am going to create something today.

What are you creating today? Where do you see yourself in 6 years?

Create

In my everlasting struggle to discover anything about what I am supposed to do with my life, I have a current hunger to create things. I plan on spending almost all of my day tomorrow browsing Hobby Lobby just to find something to help me feel like I am being worth while.

What are you creating?

I miss what the sun feels like on my face. Winter is such a sad time of year.

With being so in a rut I feel like I should almost just take a week off of work and get down to a beach over winter break to really start sorting through stuff in my head.

In other news...Did you know that NASA makes this crazy material out of silicone particles. It can hold stuff like 40,000 or something crazy like that times its weight. They can use it as a super insulator among other stuff...

It's interesting the things that we can make and yet still are too scared of change to use any of them even if it could mean saving the planet...

And lastly, this week I witnessed human nature in a negative way. I try very hard to be the love I would want reciprocated back to me. It is so important to always be kind and compassionate toward other people of the human race. I failed at that for a few minutes this week. While this happened the other party involved was so malicious that I found myself struggling very hard to deal with what they were doing to me. Why were they doing it? While I was involved in this I found myself almost obsessed with negative thoughts towards these people, and I still do. It is weird how hard it is to love people sometimes but hate spreads like wildfire and consumes everything in its path.

The important thing here is that...while I do not care to really surround myself with these people, I have come to a point where I am in control of how I handled the situation. Which is really not at all, which is the perfect way to diffuse situations with toxic people sometimes. I know that I ALWAYS have the choice to choose love over hate, and I will never ever let people who chose to say things about me, no matter what it is, let it get to me in a way where I feel I need to lash out.

Lesson learned. Choose love.